They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
