I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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