well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
