we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
