Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
