All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
