i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
