my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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