Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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