Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My liver just had a heart attack.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
