3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
