She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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