I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize