As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
