On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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