yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
