Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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