suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
