Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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