did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
