Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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