shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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