my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
