Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
