I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
