3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
