The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
