I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
