margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
