I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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