I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
