Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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