It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
