did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
