the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
