In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
