I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
two words...techno handjob
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
