He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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