You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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