Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
