I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize