There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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