the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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