So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
