just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
