The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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