i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
