respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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