Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
