two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize