I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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