fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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