i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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