This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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