I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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