i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
