Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
