You just made me feel so damn special
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
