I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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