Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
