I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
