By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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