dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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