I'm jealous of your bromance
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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