is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
