I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
