Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
