I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
