I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
