I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
