Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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