sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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