dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
