the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
