My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
