Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
