you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
